Caregiver Burnout Prevention: Maintaining Mental Health and Balance
By: Josh Cass
Being a Primary Caregiver to a loved one can be both a rewarding and draining experience. If you are not careful, you can become burned out, even with the best of intentions. Maintaining proper mental health by remembering to take time for yourself and find moments of respite is key.
Understanding the Primary Caregiver Role
As the husband of a quadriplegic, I have become quite used to having care aides in our lives, though in many ways I am always my wife’s Primary Caregiver. There is not a personal care routine that I have not mastered, to the degree that the efficiency and quality of how I provide that care is far above that of our care aides that assist her on a daily basis as well. This is because they come and go over time - we have had around 17 different attendants during our relationship. But now, over a decade later, I am still performing the same tasks, and have learned to develop many of these routines with her as her care needs change. This can make it seem like it is best to reserve many tasks for me.
Recognizing the Early Signs of Burnout
However, this default habit can become very demanding on anyone as time progresses. While a good short-term solution, for everyone involved it is best to share the responsibility of all tasks amongst caregivers. This way the attendants develop their skills, you get a break, and it gives reassurance to your loved one that you are not the only person who can care for them.
Noticing signs of a burnout coming on, and learning to take steps to avoid it, are also key to being a primary caregiver. For myself, I notice my patience drops, not exponentially, but little by little. It’s not as though I do not want to be of assistance, but rather just a moment of not wanting to do the task required. It starts small, so noticing it, and finding space to do something you enjoy, while you allow someone you can trust to care for your loved one will help prevent this kind of burnout.
The Importance of Maintaining Your Mental Health
I know there are plenty of people out there who provide round the clock care for loved ones for one reason or another, sometimes out of necessity. I did find during times when there were no other options, it was easy to ignore those feelings for short periods of time, but learned that each time you do ignore them, they can come back stronger and stronger. I strongly recommend finding ways to take time for yourself, to accomplish things you want to accomplish, even if it is just some time to breathe and read a book, knowing you don't have to be ready to jump up and assist.
The Long-Term Effects of Burnout
Burning out can cause a lot of stress, not just for yourself but also for your loved one. It's hard to hide, especially as it develops, and can really reduce your loved one’s personal self worth, even as unintentional as your reactions may be. It is for this reason that taking time for yourself can be more than just self-care.
Balancing Responsibilities
To summarize, from my experience it is best to be mindful of your needs, not just for your own wellbeing, but for that of your loved one. Your patience can run thin over time, even when you're still wanting to help. Find opportunities to make time for yourself in order to protect your own mental health, that of your loved one, and your relationship.
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Header image (intertwined hands) via Squarespace / Unsplash by National Cancer Institute
Josh Cass is the Primary Caregiver for his wife, Tonya, who has Spinal Muscular Atrophy and uses an electric wheelchair. Born in the United States, he moved to Canada to be with and marry the love of his life where she could get the care she needed. He believes strongly in the potential of Whimble to change the world, and make life easier and more convenient for People with Disabilities.
